Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Cooking myself

Contrary to my own belief, I am not that homesick. I was, to be honest, in the first few months, but nowadays, things are alright, much to my own surprise. I am no longer dreaming of home and family members dying. And I don't think of my mama's cooking that much now. Not because I've found someone who can cook better, no one would, but just that, I know I'll be fine until I'm home again.

And speaking about cooking, I know for a fact that I can't cook. More often than not, I detest my own cooking. That is as honest I can get. Although I pretended to enjoy cooking and tried several things, let's face it, I can never get the taste right, whatever it is. My spaghetti tastes half as it should be, my kuay teow was reduced to white shredded trails, and my nasi goreng doesn't live up to anyone's expectation (if there's any at all). The only reason I (sometimes) cook is that I don't have better things to do, at that moment in time. And yes, cooking works as a stress-reliever too. And though everyone does spill out the obligatory compliments when they eat and finish up whatever it is that I cook, I know that they'd prefer I didn't, in the first place. Or maybe, I just don't like what I cook, as simple as that. But when it comes to someone else's, my appetite skyrockets like there's no tomorrow. Especially if it's mama's or adik's. Oh wait, but I do have some exceptions as well, though. I like my own pudding and teh o, if you ask to name a few. And that's basically it.

Do you love cooking? I'd love to taste it some time.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

This and that

Maybe it's too late for a Raya Haji entry, but who cares, it's my blog. =P

Realised it was raya at 4am in the morning. Went for eid prayers, and then the same lectures. One friend asked whether it was Malaysian National Day again, since we were all geared up in baju kurung. I know she likes my baju kurung.

***********

They haven't called me for work although I've emailed and gave them the dates when I'd be free. Haih..

And how funny it is, I had only worked for 10 hours last year, and the Inland Revenue has managed to find me too attractive to add to their collection this year. Just received the letter yesterday.
That's how efficient they are in this country.

***********

My wish to only own a phone when I'm in 2nd year would not stay very long. Looking for a phone now. But a friend said the offer has ended. How was I to know that everything including phones were on sale during winter? Why la? Spring takde sale ke?

***********

I know this is waaaay late. But I love Moulin Rouge! So outdated, you say? I know I know. But Ewan is so gorgeous in it. Have been watching it again and again nowadays.
He can really sing, too.

***********

Amber spent her Saturday with me. Glad she made it.


Have a good week everyone.

Monday, January 09, 2006

January babies

It seems not fair, I have other friends who celebrate their birthday today too.
Ida, this means you, and Kak Kay, you too! Oh and there are countless others too. You know, I'm bad at remembering these things, but all the same, whereever you guys are right now, I hope you have a wonderful day and may all the wishes come true.

And again, it's just a number, don't feel bad about getting older =)

To a certain Doctor in India



When I first met you
I knew I saw a friend in you
That little smile and bubbly eyes
And the warmth you spread around you

We were different in many ways
That's what brought us together
You and the crazy things you do
I still laugh about it now, oh I do!

When we had nothing better to do
We talked about the unrequited love affairs
How silly they were, but no-one else listened like you did
No-one understood like you did

Now we never have the same things to say
Our routines differ, we see different people each day
But I believe one thing is for sure
I'll never trade you for anything
For you're that gem I've found when I wasn't looking
And that's the best gift I'd ever received
For eternity you shall be,

My darling friend Aisyah.

Happy 21st birthday Aisyah dear, hope you have a wonderful birthday! Love you.

-8 January 2006, Warwick-

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Dreams

As a child, I had many dreams, some good ones which I made a point to write down when I woke up in the mornings, and some weird ones like being chased after a pink whale and the moving cars. I even remember having recurring dreams which I can still recall now, it happened when I was 14 and it kept on bugging me for a while. But dreams that amaze me most are the ones that seem so real that when you wake up from it, you're actually crying, for real. I've got some of that as well. On one dream, I attended my own brother's funeral and because both of us were in boarding schools, we did not see each other so much then, so I thought it happened because I missed him badly. But it's funny how some people say dreams actually have meanings to it, or rather, they can be interpreted in a lot of ways, some weird ones too, I tell you. When told that I had that dream, my senior just laughed and said "Don't worry, if you dream of somebdy dying, he probably has too much to eat for the day", which was not entirely untrue because my brother, Adik, is a BIG guy and he eats a lot too. But if that is to be true, I should have that dream every other day too!

And then there's 'somebody will ask you for a hand in marriage' if you dream of getting bitten by a snake, 'you will soon have so much happiness' if you dream of a snake but it doesn't bit you. There's probably many other so renowned ones which I've forgotten, I would normally go to my mama or my sister in the mornings to tell them what I dreamt the night before and they would tell me what it meant. I liked that. One time, I even remember we had a 'Tafsir Mimpi' book which looked so ancient it might as well had been inherited from my abah's granfather. But I don't know whether the book is still in the house now, so long ago when I last looked at it.

You see, it was so long since I had a good dream. People say if you're too tired then you wouldn't dream at all, and that perhaps you can't recall it. Or perhaps, you're just too busy you have no time to even try to recall them. But last night I had a dream, and I remember feeling so happy in it and that it involved someone I know. Oh take that, make that someone I had, and may still have a crush on. And it was a long time since I had this kind of dreams, too. =P

First Cut Is The Deepest

Yes, that's Sheryl Crow song that pretty sums up how I am. And when I did this quiz everyone else is doing, I wasn't expecting it to get it right cos I've done many of this sort and it had me believe that they are totally crap. I never liked what they say about me, you know the things like green is your natural colour and what your future career must be. But this one, I actually think it is worth a space in my blog. An I just don't feel that it's right, I know it is. Well, it's a loooong story really and a rather an unrequited love story, too. Yes, it's quite a story, but let's save that for another blog entry, shall we? So here goes:

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You tend to give more than take in relationships.

You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

netballers
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msd a few days after raya 2005
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me and everyone else
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comfort food
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out of the way everyone!
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dearest mama
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where we slept and ate and listened to ceramah and everything else
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izza and me
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My (mis)adventures in December

Most of my winter break was spent in my room staring at my screen and trying to make sense on the functions that seem to be created by aliens. I wondered why I need to learn Excel at all. Oh don't you be clever by saying that I need that when I start working. I believe that when the time comes when I have to hit the job market, there'll be more advanced softwares to help us and thus any skills you've picked up in university would not be of use anymore. But when I was able to finish up the assigment, I was sooo thankful I swear I thought I love the subject and ready to be called a computer geek anytime soon. So I'm not that bad after all, or I wish I wasn't. (Note that I wasn't able to complete the assignment without the help from fellow coursemates and MSN messenger)

So another thing I did while everyone else went to Spain, Turkey and other brilliant places, was spending time in Glasgow. And I went skiing! Loved it to bits too. The three hours simply was not enough but I was having the best time in my life. The bitter wind and falling down simply did not stop me. By the time we had to go, I knew I'd do this again sometime.

And there's another thing too. I came back to Warwick alone. It started the night when we were all ready to sleep in the Mosque, and suddenly it hit me: Go back to Warwick tomorrow. And I told Siti, funny thing she wasn't surprise. The next morning, I woke up early, at 5, got ready, packed my bags, and after Subuh and breakfast, I hit the road. Seriously I didn't even know where or what the bust station was called. I didn't even have any cash with me. So at 10 am in Glasgow, I was pulling my back on the icy roads trying to find a cash point. Found one, asked for directions to the bust station from a lady, only to be told that she didn't know. O-kayy. So I walked some more. Then I realised, just take a taxi, clever girl! It appeared that the Buchanan Bus Station was just a 10-minute drive from where we slept so after paying him, I went in and got my ticket. I had to try to fake a smile when the lady said it was 41.50 pounds, Ya Allah mahalnyaaa. I need it anyway. Still one hour away before the depart time so I decided to look at the shops around there. Bought a pair of mules and its pink and some books the Ottaka had for sale.

When I got back to the station, saw two tudung clad girls and I actually recognised one of them as Sakinah; someone I knew from UTP, though I knew she didn't even know me. (just realised that I didn't even remember the other girl's name). They were actually on their way to Manchester after a trip to somewhere else and studying in Dublin. Talked about some random stuff before I heard that the bus was there. Said goodbyes and went on the bus before realising that there's actually a bus straight to Coventry!

The bus stopped at the Motorway Services at a place called Lake District near Cumbria and I went to buy some chocolates and realised that everything they had there was actually more expensive compared to the normal stores. Well, the same thing in Malaysia too, the things sold at RNR in the highway are more expensive than in your local shops. Abah said this is because they had to pay for more tax and the rent is super-costly to operate there. So I settled at the till with a box of Maltesers and a packet of home-made chocolate muffin. I had no idea whether we were near Birmingham or not but when it was getting dark, I felt so stupid for not getting the ticket straight to Coventry. Now surely I'd have some problems getting a bus in Birmingham.

After getting off from the bus in Birmingham, I did not waste anymore time. I might as well be running in the dark(er) streets to go to the Market near Bull Ring (the only place where to wait for a bus that I knew of, having been there just once a couple of days back). Asked a bus driver where to wait for a bus to Coventry and when he himself appeared to have no clue an old angry-looking man told me that it's actually far down the road. The way he was telling me I swear he thought I was deaf but I though he was actually a nice man. I had to walk down the path to go there and I was simply both embarrassed and relief when all the way the same old man was directing me from on the bus. Now either he felt sorry for me or he thought I had lost my way home and looked terrified. Either way I was thankful I had asked the driver in the first place. And then after failing to get a bus I thought why didn't I get a train? Oh I didn't even know where the train station was. I walked and walked and until I got to the train station that was actually not the one which have trains to Coventry. Yes, New Street Hannim, and this isn't the one. Then I thought buy a phonecard and call someone and to my dismay, the guy in the shop refused to accept my money because it's from Scottish Bank, for heaven's sake, it's still pounds I told him and he simply shook his head. And he didn't even accept bank cards. Oh well. I went out and walked faster through the dark tunnels to New Street Station.

The ticket guy wrongly gave a return ticket and I was too lazy to tell him that I need a single one as he probably had a busy day himself so I just walked away. At the patform I saw a train and without even sure that it was the right train I just hopped in barely three minutes before it took off. I was sure Milton Keynes was somewhere in London and it had to go through Birmingham somehow and yes, I was right. I was in the first class all the time and no one else was there. Ok now, don't fall asleep or I'd miss the stop. The conductor came and I apologised saying I was supposed to be in the Third Class and got up to leave, to which he replied "Don't worry about it, it's just a few stops away." I swear he was cute too.
=)

When I reached Warwick, it was already 8.45pm and I couldn't help thinking of one thing: All the time since morning, there wasn't a tinge feeling of scared in me. Seriously from the moment I realised that I didn't know where the bus stop was to where the train was taking me, or even when I was walking alone in the tunnel to New Street Station, I didn't feel that I was alone, I knew Allah was always with me. And I knew anywhere in the world when you are feeling lonely and about to lose direction, He will surely help you out. And I am thankful for that.

Unintended tears

Nadiah went back home for her Winter Break, and guess what she brought for me from Malaysia? A package from home!

My abah went to KL to pass her a box full of goodies from home: A packet of rendang daging, a packet of cabai burung, cake lapis from sarawak: courtesy of my brother adik's gf in sarawak, baju kurung for raya haji, three tubes of diavonex, and few other extra stuff. But the most precious thing of all: a letter from abah which reduced me to tears. Parcels from home have always come with a letter, but the last one I received a couple of months back did not, so I though abah had decided to stop writing to me. But all this while it was different cos I was still in Malaysia, but this one is rather.. sad.

abah wrote:"... salam dari semua di sini (rindu)"

So you see, me and my parents never exchange words that say we miss each other, its just a mere understatement. Although I know and I think everyone shares the same feeling, we just never say anything like that. Normally when I call home, we just talk the normal things like what I did, and what everyone was up to, and I always end the conversation by saying " mama, nanti dia habis sendiri ni, so byeeee"(repeat this millions of times). and oh yes, I call home using the calling cards as I haven't got a mobile yet.

even when I call home the night before raya the other day, I was holding back tears and was hoping my mama did not notice it and just when I knew I couldn't control it, I decided it's best to just end the conversation. I knew mama would know. And so, I appeared to be macho since I managed not to cry over the phone.

when I called yesterday, mama has just got up and abah was preparing for subuh, and I talked just over a minute with abah when he passed the phone to mama, and mama was commenting on what abah has been doing all this while: adik has put my photos here in his computer for abah to see. so thats what he's been doing: looking on my photos and commenting on my eyes, my tired looking smile, my face looking extra white, what I wear, and et cetera. And just then I knew abah missed me. and God knows I miss them terribly.

.. and my eyes are blurred the minute I'm typing this..

Saturday, January 07, 2006

New Year: New Look

I decided that black is no longer my thing, so just converted this site to the plain templates they have in store. Don't think I'd be able to through the pain of trying to change it to the better-looking skins, it took me too much time before so I'd skip that for now. But it's soo sad that now this blog doesn't have all the nice photos and accessories like before because for some resons, I cannot figure out why picasa does not work on my laptop. It does work in my brother battered PC at home so I have no idea why. Oh well, I'll just stick to blogging then. Plus, I've got two more essays to finish up and the deadlines are next week for heaven's sake!.

A long overdue note: Happy New Year everyone. I celebrated new year by sitting in front of the computer trying to finish my CIS: see-ai-ess although I pronounced it as cheese as in cis bedebah hehe. No, really new year did make me feel something, I know, I'm getting older for one thing. How was yours?

Thursday, January 05, 2006

~oh, well, can I be greedy?~

Blue
You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!

Black
Your color is black. The color of night. Serene and mysterious, black conjures up images of elegant evening gowns, dashing tuxedos, and gleaming limousines. Traditionally a symbol of success, black also represents power and an uncompromising demand for perfection. Not surprisingly, you tend to set challenging goals for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve them — your strength of character is second to none. This unfaltering determination, along with your natural elegance, impresses people. But keep in mind that your personality might be intimidating to some. Try to temper your demanding side with a little softness — trust us, it won't kill you. Overall, though, black is the color of professionalism and achievement, which means it's clearly the color for you.

Brown
You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.


Orange
You're a bold, confident orange. A warm, powerful color that indicates a strong, welcoming personality, orange is the mark of people who are social and extroverted by nature. Vibrant, with an upbeat attitude, you have a bright, inviting demeanor. Energetic and fun-loving, you're a real friend-magnet. Your easy charm and unassuming manner make you the sort of person people want to meet and get to know better. Well-rounded and fun to be around, you enjoy helping others, so it's no surprise that orange also symbolizes attraction. Orange is an extraordinary color — for an extraordinary person.

Red
Your color is red, the color of racy sportscars, blushing cheeks, and luscious roses. Red symbolizes passion, romance, and love. So, since you're ruled by red, you probably trust your feelings more than your brain and tend to act spontaneously. If you see something you want, you go for it without thinking twice — impulsive is your middle name. You don't wait around for people to make decisions, either; you dive right in. Quite the romantic, you pay close attention to your emotions. In fact, if your heart isn't in what you're doing, you won't be satisfied. Of course, even when you do pour all your energy into the projects you tackle, your impetuous nature means your passions can shift as frequently as the wind. That's why some reds have trouble with commitment. Our advice? Next time you're feeling fickle, think before you act, if possible. You might be surprised at the results. Overall, though, it's great to be red. No one lives life more completely than you do.

Yellow
You're yellow, the color of joy and energy — two things you definitely bring to everyone around you. It's hard for anyone to be sad or lonely in your presence; your sunny disposition and cheery outlook just won't allow it. The warmth of your personality shines through in the kindness you show friends and family (and strangers, too). Always ready with a lighthearted joke or heartfelt compliment, you know how to make people feel good about themselves, so they can't get enough of you. Yellow is a warm and inviting color for a warm and inviting person — you!

Which one is YOU?
~Ada apa dengan hijau~

You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!
~Feeling old~


You Are 22 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.