have you ever felt like the burden on your shoulders is just too much and that you just cant carry it anymore? felt like life is just sooo problematic and that everything you do is rubbish and just not working out the way you want it? felt like you just want to end everything and back to square one, or just end it alltogether. fullstop.
i do. more now than it ever before.
these few weeks have been most difficult. been thinking a lot about the problems i have, the ones that never seemed to have any end, and more kept coming piling up to the ones that have been.
i was weak, and when i'm feeling weak, taking a long shower helps ease the pain a little bit. that was when something whispered to me that that's just Allah's way of reminding me of His existence. and that whatever happens in this life is the preparation you need for the afterlife that never ends. can u imagine a life that goes on forever and ever? no u cant because nothing in this world is forver. love? love is not forever, the subject or object you love will disappear and love itself will fade. no single creation is forever, only the Creator is. like, i love my mom sooo much i'm scared to think that one day i may not see her again. everyday since i was very small i pray that if Allah wants to take any life in my family, take me first and not my parents, cos i dont think i can live when i know my mom is meeting Him. but thats wrong. cos Allah is the Creator all of things and it is His right to do what should be done. and then i love my cat misai so much, i know he must have loved me too, but then one day, he was gone too. i cried and cried, but i knew i cant make him live again. misai came into my dream the other day, and in the dream both of us were laughing, but when i woke up, tears welled up in my eyes.
it isnt that i dont believe in the afterlife that will go on for eternity, its just that at that moment, when i was having my shower and thinking how difficult my life has become now, then it strucked me. its alright, u dont live in this world forever, its just temporary. like when u go to someplace u dont like, but u know u will get out of that place, then every minute when u think about how u hate to be there, u will find solace in knowing that the time will come for u to get out of there. its something like that.
then, all my problems and complications of life sort of diminished. its ok, i heard my inner self telling me. if u think u're not perfect, then there are millions of reasons why God made u the way u are, have those things happened the way they did and everything else. u dont have to like all of them, cos they are only temporary. the afterlife is for eternity, you should work more for that. material things in this world, the things that everyone's after, what good is it for the afterlife? nothing at all. and let us all take comfort in that and start working more for the one thats forever: the afterlife.
