Dilemma...

I received an email from Adik the other day asking me not to buy my tickets yet since Mama suggested that I don't go home at all. I was a bit disappointed and disheartened by the email, not least because I have been planning 1oo1 things to do if/when I go home. I didn't go home last summer since I thought it was going to be my last summer, and naturally I missed home terribly now. I missed my cats more than anything else. Of course I missed my parents above all else, but I get to speak to them over the phone regularly (even if voip stunt lines sometimes leave a lot to be desired!), but I long to hold my cats once more. When I was in first year, mama kept from me about Misai's passing, until I dreamed about it, and when she finally told me, it had been more that six months! Misai was the closest to me and even when I'm writing this, tears are flooding in my eyes thinking about him. May Allah take care of him.

I think I've blogged about my cats before, but since I came back from autumn 2006, I lost count of who died, who were the newborns and who got picked up from the market, and who came from the bushes at night. By 'who' I mean the cats of course. It's a long story - the history of how we get to keep cats at home in Napoh. It started with Pung (the mother, cos she had a son named Pong as well and he ran away while I was home for summer).

And then I knew that Misai came to our house at night as a little kitten hungry and cold, and my parents fed him and let him stay. And then Anne came as a beautiful teenager. Anne is the strongest of them all, she came as a full-grown cat (mama said she was already remaja) and bore many many kittens than we cared to count, many of whom died along the way, but she kept on bearing beautiful kittens for us. Even now, when her surviving children started to get pregnant, she got pregnant too:) Talking about being productive. And did I tell you she was beutiful?

And how did this entry become a story about cats? I should really keep my focus!

Anyways, the day after I read the email from Adik, I called home, and since nobody picked up the phone, I called abah, my parents were on the road, so I said I'd call back and then I forgot. Two mornings later, I called again and then cried over the phone to abah. I didn't do it intentionally, it was because I was so sad for not being able to go home. I missed so many things about home, it's hard to even list them down. I've never even seen Anis, my brother Bangcik's first born and my parents' first grand-daughter since she was born a few weeks after I flew back here in autumn 2006.

I missed durian, I missed cendoi, I missed Asun's market on Friday mornings, I missed the heat, I missed going out to surau with Abah, I missed going out for a ride and talking about politics, and I missed everything else I could not do here. Like riding a motorcycle to work. Like teasing and bullying Ikram. Like being angry with the cats and chickens when they decided to dirty the floors after I spent my energy mopping them several times! I missed feeding the cats and just watching them eating like hungry little things, even if they've been fed three times before! I missed them crawling on my feet whilst I mixed their food (boiled fishes and freshly cooked rice), and trying to warn them that it's still hot. I missed giving them a bath when they're super dirty and smelly and needless to say getting a few scratches in the procession. I missed them dearly:(

My goal after exams!

I made a pack with Siti that we should both try and lose a few kilos after exams. Our motivation? So that we'd look good in our graduation pics and when we smile we can smile as wide as possible and don't have to worry about our faces going too round or our eyes going too small! Well the latter part only applies to me actually. If you must know, I refused to smile in my Form Five pictures since my cheeks would push my tudung outwards and make me look like a certain creature which I would not mention. Seriously that was when I was 17 and when I weighed a few grams short of 50!

And now ladies and gentlemen, I am nowhere near the 8 stone mark on your bathroom scales, but in pictures I still smiled broadly, but I had to face the camera sideways in the intention to make my face (and the full body mind you) look slimmer! Hah, who says camera trick was difficult! Alas, I don't think it works anyway...

So, now, I have made a promise to myself to exercise at least 30 minutes everyday, and so far I have been keeping the promise. It has just been a week, and I have only lost about 1 1/2 kilos! I refuse to give up, since giving up would undoubtedly pile on the weight again. I've tried before and when I gave up, it proved that my weight went soaring up again! So let's see how it goes. I pray to Allah to give me strengths to do this, what I need is just determination.

Just four weeks left to graduation, and hopefully I can shed a few more kilos and be all smiles again for graduation!

What is this feeling...

I seriously don't know how to describe this feeling, yet I always have it after exams. Yeah it's the feeling that you don't have to do anything and when this happens it's so weird that no entertainment is half entertaining anymore! For example, after I went for a jog with Siti this morning, I tried going on youtube to listen to some of Siti's songs like I normally do when i got bored with revisions, but I stopped halfway and tried another one. Yeah you guessed it, I didn't finish that one either! Either I'm loosing interest on Siti, or my mind has a life of it's own it's decided to not get entertained by music!

I even tried Lee Chong Wei's historic match against Lin Dan in Msia Open in Kuching (which is btw the most fantastic match of the century which never failed to amuse me before, and I've watched it for more that 5 times!), but that didn't work either. Haih.

So yeah, in conclusion, I seriously think I need to get back to some 'studying' since I realised that is actually what my brain needs! Well before you groan, studying does not have to be Advanced Financial Reporting or Corporate Tax, I could probably start with some current issues like Msian politics (altogether now euwwww!). haha

Done with exams!

Wooo-hoooo! I finished exams and degree! The results are another matter, but seriously after the end of Japanese paper, it was a nice feeling I had, not least because the questions were not too difficult as I had imagined. I thought Japanese was going to be the hardest one for me, since I hadn't done so well in the two tests before - largely because the readings were so difficult I couldn't understand the entire passage, and if you don;t understand what it says, how in the world are you going to answer the comprehension questions!

The night before the exam, I was panicking like crazy and in the morning, I went to Siti's room to do some last minutes Q&A, and we realised there were still sooo many kanjis we hadn't memorised! Luckily, the kanji questions were easy and readings were okay too. I had a nice 30 minute to check for silly mistakes like spellings etc before the time was up.

We went to Tesco's straight after the paper, I didn't bring any money since I thought if the paper was superhard, I would just go back to my room and sulk alone! That's typical me, I should know:P

And then later, stopped by at Dira and Wani's place, wani's mom was there, she was making cucuq ikan bilis, but I was not in the mood, but had some sagu gula melaka and teh o ais (super sedap since it was quite hot that day). Chatted with her mom and then had to excuse ourselves since we had another invitation from kak Min. She cooked for us, kari ayam and salad which were really sedap and licin in less than and hour! Sedap!! thanks Kak Min!