Monday, February 27, 2012

Alone.

Tears are flwoing from my eyes when I'm writing this. This is not a rare ocassion, it has been quite the routine, they can just come out without any apparent reason whatsoever. Am I ill? I was fine this morning. Is there something bothering me? Maybe.

I think in this life you have to learn being by yourself, even if you are surrounded by 900 friends, you end up living your life alone. Or maybe it's just me. I don't seem to be able to connect to people on a personal level anymore. I don't trust people that easily - maybe this is a flaw that I have, but I was quite happy being that way, until recently.But when I do realise it, it's too late. People move on. Not interested.

I think my life will be a short one, I have been dreaming of deaths recently. Mostly deaths of people I know. But once or twice I have also dreamed of my own death. Maybe this is it. Allah wants me to know that my death is near. I have to repent each day. I have sins, I hope I can repent all my sins before I go to the next life. I don't deserve jannah, but I hope I get to go there.

Maybe the reason why I am alone till a ripe old age of 27 is so that when I leave no one will be really hurt. InshaAllah. Allah knows best.

If anyone is reading this, please accept my apology if I have ever hurt your feelings in any way. Please forgive me.