Have you ever felt like you don't belong? I thought I wouldn't ever feel that way again after I left high school. Yes believe it or not, there were soooo many times when I was in high school I felt like I didn't belong there. This blog has never been a place for me to show my 'other' darker sides, but this will change in this entry...
I was offerred a place at Kys after somebody didn't turn up for her place, can't remember her name now, but the late Mr Ramli Maidin was very kind to offer me a place on that fateful Sunday night on the phone to my dad. Despite everything, I can never thank him enough..
But I didn't try to fit in. I got along with some people, had issues with a few, made some good friends, and did mostly my own things, especially so when I was in Form 3-Form 5. I did not study in the same prep room with my peers for PMR and SPM, found it less condusive to do so. So I set up my study table with the juniors. Thats where I spent most of my time, eating, even sleeping at weekends and doing Yoga! Allah answered my prayers, and I got what I wanted, 8As in PMR and 9A1s in SPM. Alhamdulillah..
And then college. I didn't feel so out of place here cos I felt like I earned a place there although again, I got the scholarship after someone pulled out, she was even in my class at college and was under a different scholarship. But I believe in rezeki, so I worked my ar*e off for A Levels. Maybe I didn't work as hard as I should have, even then I felt I had worked harder at SPM, but alhamdulillah, I managed to get a place at the university of my choice here.
Warwick was the best place, I felt totally at ease with myself. Although I got along fine with everyone, I didn't have a best friend. I was a bit of a loner really. I just didn't share the same taste in terms of activities as some other people. And I did think some people might even find me hard to handle. Anyway, I did work hard at university, and alhamdulillah managed to get a good grade in final year. My university years, are by far the best experience in my life. I got a job at the Warw**k Arts Cen**e, and only after 8 months working I was promoted to Head Steward, so I was already managing almost 16 stewards on a busy night when I was only a second year. I really enjoyed the experience..
Now working for a big company, there are some times when I just feel out of my comfort zone, no friends, just acquaintances, and no-one to turn to when it gets a bit too much. I'm on training at the moment, and the activities are quite intense sometimes. I always looked forward to quizzes cos I could feel myself challenged, but since some people give a weird look if you try too hard, I often find myself trying not to answer everytime. Thank God there's another guy who always tries to get all the points for his team. you won't believe how some ppl gave him the look! It feels like you're in primary classroom and the boys were tired of the girl incessant question! hahahaahhah. This is a true story actually, but it wasn't me! Well maybe that deserves another blog post.
Anyway, something happened today that made me feel quite embarrassed and out of place. When the instructor called somebody from my table to volunteer for a tie-breaker with another team, mind you I have contributed a lot for the team with the points, and its always only me and this other guy in the team that answered the quizzes, the other guys and girls seemed very uninterested. Oh don't let me start of the Irish guy called Mikey he was not only racist, he keeps using foul language whenever he's not happy with something which can be pretty much about anything! He is so rude, when he came in the first day, he didn't even bother introducing himself, and the other day when he was trying to catch up with the rest of the class and was asking for the password, he ignored me when all I did was try and help him! So rude!! Anyway, I thought to myself, I don't have to try and make him like me, he can go to **ll for all I care!
Ah malas nak type lagi. Nak mandi. bye.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Kebetulan... (orang lain takkan paham ni)...
Ada cerita di sebalik ni.. First cut is the deepest they say. Can't agree more.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Mimpi aneh
Maka pada suatu hari inilah mimpinya:
Someone told me that I had to go to Rio De Janeiro, it was a short notice and I was a bit panicky. In the dream I didn't know where Rio de Janeiro was, so when someone asked where it was I said 'oh somewhere near America'. And then (out of nowhere), still in my dream, a friend from high school said 'No, it's in Brazil'.
When I woke up, I was thinking to myself: Do I really know where Rio de Janeiro is? No. Then how come I can actually come up with a correct answer, albeit through a different character??? and all day at work I was thinking about this dream and I checked google, it is Brazil!
So how did I know the answer in my dream??? Weird....
Mimpi hanyalah mainan tidur.... tapi saya sangat suka kalau mimpi...hehehe
Someone told me that I had to go to Rio De Janeiro, it was a short notice and I was a bit panicky. In the dream I didn't know where Rio de Janeiro was, so when someone asked where it was I said 'oh somewhere near America'. And then (out of nowhere), still in my dream, a friend from high school said 'No, it's in Brazil'.
When I woke up, I was thinking to myself: Do I really know where Rio de Janeiro is? No. Then how come I can actually come up with a correct answer, albeit through a different character??? and all day at work I was thinking about this dream and I checked google, it is Brazil!
So how did I know the answer in my dream??? Weird....
Mimpi hanyalah mainan tidur.... tapi saya sangat suka kalau mimpi...hehehe
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Selamat Hari Raya Luton!
Selamat hari raya buat Kakak di Segamat, Bangcik dan keluarga di Kelantan, Bob di Sg Petani, Abah mama dan adik di Luton! Adik sampai semalam, jadi kami beraya berempat taun ni!
Yey makan ketupat! Yey dapat cuti hari isnin (nasib baik manager baik, thanks Neil!)
hari isnin jalan2 london ya Allah permudahkanlah!
P/s: sedeh kesian kat bob raya sorang2 dengan kawan2 dia...
Yey makan ketupat! Yey dapat cuti hari isnin (nasib baik manager baik, thanks Neil!)
hari isnin jalan2 london ya Allah permudahkanlah!
P/s: sedeh kesian kat bob raya sorang2 dengan kawan2 dia...
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Old flame
My old flame is engaged to be married! I guess I expected it to come sooner or later. Who was I kidding, we never made any promise, so the inevitable is here whether I like it or not. Yes, deep down I still have the same feelings, but I am a coward and always have been when it comes to relationships. Plus, sparks are not enough to make a fire last when the wind's too strong.
Maybe God had planned it this way, for me not to know it earlier is a blessing in disguise, it would have affected me even more if I knew it two months ago, when I was very vulnerable emotionally.
So he's engaged, and I am not dreaming it, all it took was one sentence and all was revealed. So what do I say? What do I do? Thank God for YM! You can't tell my expressions! I was numb for a few deafening seconds and then I said what other sensible people would say when told such news. But if you knew me, you'd say I was lying. Was I? God knows.
It was too much to bear, so I said my goodbye and wish secretly he'd know my feelings. The truth is he never will. The distance is too great. No bridge would be able to connect it. 11 years. God has it been that long? I have told myself time and time again to move on, so don't say I never tried. I've always been a loyal person. So there's no exception here. But I believe in destiny so mine will come maybe not in the form of the person who I've been loyal to for more than a decade. But he will come.
Maybe God had planned it this way, for me not to know it earlier is a blessing in disguise, it would have affected me even more if I knew it two months ago, when I was very vulnerable emotionally.
So he's engaged, and I am not dreaming it, all it took was one sentence and all was revealed. So what do I say? What do I do? Thank God for YM! You can't tell my expressions! I was numb for a few deafening seconds and then I said what other sensible people would say when told such news. But if you knew me, you'd say I was lying. Was I? God knows.
It was too much to bear, so I said my goodbye and wish secretly he'd know my feelings. The truth is he never will. The distance is too great. No bridge would be able to connect it. 11 years. God has it been that long? I have told myself time and time again to move on, so don't say I never tried. I've always been a loyal person. So there's no exception here. But I believe in destiny so mine will come maybe not in the form of the person who I've been loyal to for more than a decade. But he will come.
Monday, March 16, 2009
14 March 2009
I have to blog today as I'm officially an aunt for the second time! Woohooo. Well actually the baby boy came into the world last nite around 10pm. Abah broke the news over the phone. Alhamdulillah!
p/s: full name belom tau, aufa kot? tau fu fah? hahaha siap la esok kena gelak kat skolah. opps sorry fafa, nanti maksu pos baju okes!
p/s: full name belom tau, aufa kot? tau fu fah? hahaha siap la esok kena gelak kat skolah. opps sorry fafa, nanti maksu pos baju okes!
Saturday, January 03, 2009
The end of Woolies
The news have been replaying the same news stroy over and over again. I couldn't even recall what people use to call it, before credit crunch got into our vocabulary. (side dish: anyone still using the thick physical dictionary? They must have a hard time having to upgrade it every single time a new word came about)
Anyway, we went to Woolworth a couple of times since the news about their administration came out. There isn't one in Luton, the branch closed way before the whole company collapses-early this year and the nearest one is in Hitchin (about 30 mins away). I remember having a conversation with a local Lutonian about Luton not having a woolies ( I love the chocolate there, my visit to ole coventry town would not complete without a trip to wollies). Many loved the pick&mix there and some joked, even if no millionnaire wanted to save woolies, at least save this part for the sake of the kids who wouldn't be able to enjoy the variety on offer. I never tried them but they looked quite good.
During our visits, there were hardly anything worth buying for really. The good chocolates of course had been scoured by many a visitor during it's last few days of opening. On our last visit to the Milton Keynes branch, all the fixtures and fittings were on sale too. Even the manager's desks, the employees' lockers, racks, shelves, every single thing. The whole store still had items left over though, old socks, dusty shoes and kids apparels, rusting nuts and bolts, the odd plastic bins, the old cds that nobody wanted to buy either because the singer was rubbish, or they already had a copy, or they hated the song. Or all of them, or they'd rather listen to the free youtube.
Looking at the unwanted shoes, the nuts and bolts, the pink shorts and skirts, and many other stuff that were still in plastic boxes on the floor: I wonder what would happen to them. Would the employee bag them for free and give family and friends after they left Woolies and tried to look for another? Would they be given to charities and the homeless? Woul they be recycled?
What would the employees do? They've been quite helpful in helping Woolies end on a high note, but everyone knows the market is as gloomy as ever, Woolies is not the only one in the retail industry loosing its prominence: Officer's Club, Whittards of Chelsea, Zavvi, and the kitchen supplier MFI. And experts are saying hundreds more will face the same fate soon. Which means the chance for these employees to find a job in the retail industry is arguably slim.
Thankfully there's jobseeker's allowance for these people, and redundancy payments to help ease the burden, but even these money came from from 'someone else's' pocket. How long would these continue??
Let me just finish this cup of Milo as for now....
Anyway, we went to Woolworth a couple of times since the news about their administration came out. There isn't one in Luton, the branch closed way before the whole company collapses-early this year and the nearest one is in Hitchin (about 30 mins away). I remember having a conversation with a local Lutonian about Luton not having a woolies ( I love the chocolate there, my visit to ole coventry town would not complete without a trip to wollies). Many loved the pick&mix there and some joked, even if no millionnaire wanted to save woolies, at least save this part for the sake of the kids who wouldn't be able to enjoy the variety on offer. I never tried them but they looked quite good.
During our visits, there were hardly anything worth buying for really. The good chocolates of course had been scoured by many a visitor during it's last few days of opening. On our last visit to the Milton Keynes branch, all the fixtures and fittings were on sale too. Even the manager's desks, the employees' lockers, racks, shelves, every single thing. The whole store still had items left over though, old socks, dusty shoes and kids apparels, rusting nuts and bolts, the odd plastic bins, the old cds that nobody wanted to buy either because the singer was rubbish, or they already had a copy, or they hated the song. Or all of them, or they'd rather listen to the free youtube.
Looking at the unwanted shoes, the nuts and bolts, the pink shorts and skirts, and many other stuff that were still in plastic boxes on the floor: I wonder what would happen to them. Would the employee bag them for free and give family and friends after they left Woolies and tried to look for another? Would they be given to charities and the homeless? Woul they be recycled?
What would the employees do? They've been quite helpful in helping Woolies end on a high note, but everyone knows the market is as gloomy as ever, Woolies is not the only one in the retail industry loosing its prominence: Officer's Club, Whittards of Chelsea, Zavvi, and the kitchen supplier MFI. And experts are saying hundreds more will face the same fate soon. Which means the chance for these employees to find a job in the retail industry is arguably slim.
Thankfully there's jobseeker's allowance for these people, and redundancy payments to help ease the burden, but even these money came from from 'someone else's' pocket. How long would these continue??
Let me just finish this cup of Milo as for now....
Empat belas tiga puluh & two-oh-oh-nine!
As we welcome the new year, I can't help but look at how the past year has been for me, so many ups and downs, so many new things learnt, new experiences, new failures and wins. Let's summarise shall we:
January: After an incidental chat with a group mate at Warwick Library, I realised I needed to do something with life after graduation. Taken the advice and acted upon it in less than 3 days. Alhamdulillah I can never thanked you enough friend. (I told him about this and hope Allah balas sewajarnya InsyaAllah).
February: Went for two nerve wrecking interviews and along the way had help from friends. Very pleased with the results and helped me concentrate on exams more. Got the best present ever for my birthday, a job offer!
A couple of weeks before the interviews, I had the most upsetting result for one of my assignments. It was really bad considering the amount of research and time spent on it. To be fair, it wasn't my best essay ever, but I really had numerous chats with the lecturer, more than I had with any other subject. Had even sought for moral support from the senior person, the lecturer himself, and my personal tutor. I knew then it was impossible to change the result, but I guess I was comforted by the fact that many shared the same fate as me.
It wasn't easy to forget, but I knew I musn't let it consume me.
March: No highlights? I was too consumed with work!
April: Trying to revise as early as I could, and exams came in early this year too!
May: Exams!
June: Lost 5kgs in time for graduation and before Mama came. All thanks to moving halls, panicking about not finding a place to live after graduation and work. What a shame that I have gained more than that since living in Luton with my parents! The cold weather doesn't help I tell you!
July: Graduation!!
August: Moved to Luton. Bade sayonara to my old laptop and bought a new one.
September: Started college and meeting new people, started a new routine of going to classes, with homework to finish and exams to sit for.
October: Raya in Luton with parents after 3years!. New experience for my parents and to a lesser extent, me. Not to mention the nerve-wrecking moments when Abah was stranded in Dhaka by British officers. Scary scary moments. Couldn't concentrate in class, but everyone was so helpful even my Law tutor tried to help by recalling his stories of being stranded in Korea. He always has a story to relate to everything!
November: The result came out! Alhamdulillah, passed all papers! Dreading the next phase!
December: Loved all the trainings, stayed at nice hotels, met nice people, lovely desserts. ahh bliss.. On the side: started client work.
Bring on 2009!
January: After an incidental chat with a group mate at Warwick Library, I realised I needed to do something with life after graduation. Taken the advice and acted upon it in less than 3 days. Alhamdulillah I can never thanked you enough friend. (I told him about this and hope Allah balas sewajarnya InsyaAllah).
February: Went for two nerve wrecking interviews and along the way had help from friends. Very pleased with the results and helped me concentrate on exams more. Got the best present ever for my birthday, a job offer!
A couple of weeks before the interviews, I had the most upsetting result for one of my assignments. It was really bad considering the amount of research and time spent on it. To be fair, it wasn't my best essay ever, but I really had numerous chats with the lecturer, more than I had with any other subject. Had even sought for moral support from the senior person, the lecturer himself, and my personal tutor. I knew then it was impossible to change the result, but I guess I was comforted by the fact that many shared the same fate as me.
It wasn't easy to forget, but I knew I musn't let it consume me.
March: No highlights? I was too consumed with work!
April: Trying to revise as early as I could, and exams came in early this year too!
May: Exams!
June: Lost 5kgs in time for graduation and before Mama came. All thanks to moving halls, panicking about not finding a place to live after graduation and work. What a shame that I have gained more than that since living in Luton with my parents! The cold weather doesn't help I tell you!
July: Graduation!!
August: Moved to Luton. Bade sayonara to my old laptop and bought a new one.
September: Started college and meeting new people, started a new routine of going to classes, with homework to finish and exams to sit for.
October: Raya in Luton with parents after 3years!. New experience for my parents and to a lesser extent, me. Not to mention the nerve-wrecking moments when Abah was stranded in Dhaka by British officers. Scary scary moments. Couldn't concentrate in class, but everyone was so helpful even my Law tutor tried to help by recalling his stories of being stranded in Korea. He always has a story to relate to everything!
November: The result came out! Alhamdulillah, passed all papers! Dreading the next phase!
December: Loved all the trainings, stayed at nice hotels, met nice people, lovely desserts. ahh bliss.. On the side: started client work.
Bring on 2009!
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