Unintended tears

Nadiah went back home for her Winter Break, and guess what she brought for me from Malaysia? A package from home!

My abah went to KL to pass her a box full of goodies from home: A packet of rendang daging, a packet of cabai burung, cake lapis from sarawak: courtesy of my brother adik's gf in sarawak, baju kurung for raya haji, three tubes of diavonex, and few other extra stuff. But the most precious thing of all: a letter from abah which reduced me to tears. Parcels from home have always come with a letter, but the last one I received a couple of months back did not, so I though abah had decided to stop writing to me. But all this while it was different cos I was still in Malaysia, but this one is rather.. sad.

abah wrote:"... salam dari semua di sini (rindu)"

So you see, me and my parents never exchange words that say we miss each other, its just a mere understatement. Although I know and I think everyone shares the same feeling, we just never say anything like that. Normally when I call home, we just talk the normal things like what I did, and what everyone was up to, and I always end the conversation by saying " mama, nanti dia habis sendiri ni, so byeeee"(repeat this millions of times). and oh yes, I call home using the calling cards as I haven't got a mobile yet.

even when I call home the night before raya the other day, I was holding back tears and was hoping my mama did not notice it and just when I knew I couldn't control it, I decided it's best to just end the conversation. I knew mama would know. And so, I appeared to be macho since I managed not to cry over the phone.

when I called yesterday, mama has just got up and abah was preparing for subuh, and I talked just over a minute with abah when he passed the phone to mama, and mama was commenting on what abah has been doing all this while: adik has put my photos here in his computer for abah to see. so thats what he's been doing: looking on my photos and commenting on my eyes, my tired looking smile, my face looking extra white, what I wear, and et cetera. And just then I knew abah missed me. and God knows I miss them terribly.

.. and my eyes are blurred the minute I'm typing this..