Countdown

Only 4 weeks left before I fly homeeeeeee. Can't wait to see mama and abah!!! I miss them terribly!! Kadang2 duduk saja2 tak buat apa (contohnya dalam train malas nak buat kerja) teringat tahun lepas duduk rumah/hospital dengan mama dan abah. beza nya dengan tahun ni, duduk rumah sorang2...

InshaAllah balik ni nak pastikan tak buat apa2 yang boleh menyebabkan kemarahan mama dan abah. Biasalah, kadang2 tak dan nak berfikir sebelum bertindak atau bercakap.. Mama dan abah, I am very sorry for everything.. Ampun..

Pursuit of Happyness

I have left this blog for a year and a bit more, suddenly I thought to myself: I think I want to start writing again. And lo and behold the last entry was June 2013! How time flies. And I still don't know the exact answer to the question I posted here last year. Life has been okay. Full of ups and downs and surprises and events and disappointments. Happyness index at this current moment in a scale of 1 to 10; (1 being very unhappy and 10 being extremely happy) = 2 Okay to lighten up the mood let's have a highlight of the things that took place in the last 12 months in no particular order.

 1. Attended a wedding in Switzerland/France
2. Took time off work for 6 months and survived (emotionally and financially)
3. Went on a solo trip and loved it 4. Bought a car, sold it, and bought another one.

Okay - seriously more things have happened in the last year than what I just listed, cos surely 12 months is quite a long time, no?

Happiness

What is the measure of happiness?

Alone.

Tears are flwoing from my eyes when I'm writing this. This is not a rare ocassion, it has been quite the routine, they can just come out without any apparent reason whatsoever. Am I ill? I was fine this morning. Is there something bothering me? Maybe.

I think in this life you have to learn being by yourself, even if you are surrounded by 900 friends, you end up living your life alone. Or maybe it's just me. I don't seem to be able to connect to people on a personal level anymore. I don't trust people that easily - maybe this is a flaw that I have, but I was quite happy being that way, until recently.But when I do realise it, it's too late. People move on. Not interested.

I think my life will be a short one, I have been dreaming of deaths recently. Mostly deaths of people I know. But once or twice I have also dreamed of my own death. Maybe this is it. Allah wants me to know that my death is near. I have to repent each day. I have sins, I hope I can repent all my sins before I go to the next life. I don't deserve jannah, but I hope I get to go there.

Maybe the reason why I am alone till a ripe old age of 27 is so that when I leave no one will be really hurt. InshaAllah. Allah knows best.

If anyone is reading this, please accept my apology if I have ever hurt your feelings in any way. Please forgive me.

Loneliness

I always dream about the house that I will have one day, what I want to do for a job and where I want to go for holiday.

Somehow in these dreams I seem to be doing everything alone. How lonely is my world?

First ever 5km run!

Years ago in school I wasn't known to be keen in sports. One time Aisyah and I actually hid in the Sports Centre's toilet to do last minute revision on Geography and missed the netball training. Another time it was the college's huge longkang. Okay it was stupid, and I'll have you know that it wasn't my idea - but that's for another entry.

On Sunday I officially ran my first 5km run - somebody commented I shouldn't say it's a marathon as a marathon is a little over 26miles or 42km. So a run it is then.

Been thinking about it for a few months, partly because whenever I read the Quran nowadays I find I can't finish some long ayah without stopping midway - in short: I'm soooo unfit.

Thankfully summer means I've been working at the office, so managed to jog for an hour or two each day after work. I have to say I love it more and more. It is right that there's a feel-good factor attached to doing exercises. I certainly got that with doing this run.

Ok enough with the chitchats here's pics of the day. See if you can spot me amongst the sea of pink ladies in the pics posted on heart.fm website:

http://www.heart.co.uk/fourcounties/events/photos/more-luton-race-life-pictures/race-life-luton-157/?fb_comment_id=fbc_10150227448604630_17745547_10150227929619630#race-life-luton-157

http://www.heart.co.uk/fourcounties/events/photos/more-luton-race-life-pictures/race-life-luton-157/?fb_comment_id=fbc_10150227448604630_17745547_10150227929619630#f3da7c9880057a4

Wait a minute, where has the year gone, suddenly it's May? Ok. this is beyond scary, the next thing I know it'll be November and the year would be gone, once again!

I have soooo many things in my to do list for the year, and none of them has been crossed yet!

Update so far: Exams all done, final ethics essay also submitted (so very little effort on this one, I really hope the marker's nice and lower his/her expectations and give me a pass)

I'm supposed to go home and serve the sponsor this coming October, but cannot see that happening at the moment. I really am not ready to go home yet... Not many people know this yet, but I think I have made up my mind to stay for a bit longer.I'm sure the sponsor would be able to continue their business without me.. I'm only another number.. right?? please please do not sue me, I have no money to repay you... huhu

I'm thinking of Abu Dhabi... Seriously praying sooo hard for it, but being a pessimist, I always think of the worst, always always always. Simple reason: I hate to be disappointed. Being pessimist makes me happy, since if the result is positive, it's always beyond my expectations :)

However, for this particular agenda, I really do hope it'll turn out positive. It's part of my future, inshaAllah.